My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
