Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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