just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Damn victory sex feels great
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
