**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
