I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
