So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
