One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
