Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
