So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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