The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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