She said her name was "party"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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