she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
