Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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