I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
