I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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