Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
