he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
