i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
