Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
