Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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