I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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