you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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