He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found your dick twin last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
