I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
