Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
