Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
