Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
