The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
