I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
