Don't you send me to vm
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
