There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
