Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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