i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how drunk are you?
Several
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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