The maid of honor just puked.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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