you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
