I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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