What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
