The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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