sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
