Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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