The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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