In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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