my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
