She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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