someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
