My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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