I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
