I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
