batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
