Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
