Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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