let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
