I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
