its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
