all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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