apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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