i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
