You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
