Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
