Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
