Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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