hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I want a musical about memes.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
